i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
