It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
