So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Congratulations! We have a period
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