you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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