smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
