she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
