Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
