weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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