you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
