i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Mom said you looked used
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
