im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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