I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
