worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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