Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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