He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize