i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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