I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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