My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
