i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
