Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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