I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Is it penis luge time yet?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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