I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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