don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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