we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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