Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
