It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
