I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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