my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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