Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
