I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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