OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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