Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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