let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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