Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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