you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
