FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize