Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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