ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
there was a trapeze. enough said
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
