come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
