I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
