Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize