Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
