My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
