Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
