i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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