Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize