I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
