I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
