Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
