He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
