3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
