Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
