I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
