Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
