He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
