I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
