You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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