I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
