he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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