If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
