yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
