If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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