I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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